Classic Spag-bol For Growing Lads

1) Chop the onion into lots of small segments, remembering to discard the skin. Fry the onion in a small frying pan. (6 mins)

2) Place the beef into a separate large frying pan, on full heat. At the same time boil the kettle FULL of water. (1 min)

3) Rapidly chop up the beef using a wooden spoon, on full heat, until the meat is BROWN and crumbly. Add the bits of onion from the smaller pan after 3 mins. (Browning time about 7 mins)

4) Add the boiled water from the kettle into a large saucepan, remembering to put the lid on and on full heat. Add a bit extra water if the pan isn't half full. Bring to the boil. (2 min)

5) Now add the jar of Dolmio to the browned meat and onions. Also throw in the chopped tomatoes and dilute the sauce with 200ml of Carlsberg. Stir everything in and turn down the heat to low/medium. (1 min)

6) Add the spaghetti to the pan of boiling water. Force the spaghetti in, so that it is fully immersed, and also ensure the spaghetti is separated so that it isn’t stuck together as if it was in the packet! (1 min)

7) Keep stirring the sauce gently. Ensure the spaghetti is separating from itself and that the water is still boiling. (12 mins)

8) Use a sieve to empty out the water from the spaghetti pan and then reinsert the spaghetti back into the pan, adding the teaspoon of oil. Serve. (2 mins)

9) Now serve the bolognese, placing it in the middle of the plate, with the spaghetti as a bed beneath. Accompany with Parmesan cheese. (1 min)

10) Eat.